It’s been an eternity since my last post. I kept thinking “oh, just wait til she’s born to write a post, it’s bound to be very soon.” Ha! My plans have been foiled by a little girl who likes her womb very much (only because she hasn’t seen the room we made for her that is certainly going to wow her.)
I am 5 days past my “Due Date” today. I’ll tell you this… I kind of want to injure the guy who came up with the 40 week due date nonsense. I would much rather plan for a 42 week pregnancy and have the baby show up early (I’m always prepared early anyway so it would be no skin off my nose if I planned for a 42 weeker and then the baby came at 39… I’d already be ready!) But I digress.
I have had several really encouraging emails and messages from a lot of you and they have been so helpful in keeping me from going off the deep end. I’ve found myself losing touch with reality at times over the last week or so. I’m getting pressure from my doctors to induce my labor because they don’t like to go more than a few days, or a week at most, past the due date. Then I’m getting pressure from others to just let nature take its course and go in to labor naturally, which means standing my ground against the doctor who is set to deliver this little one. We’d prefer the latter to happen but there’s a lot that goes into it as you will read below.
We just got home from our latest appointment with the OB where they did a fetal non-stress test to see that her heart rate is good and goes through changes the way it should (beating faster when she’s moving, slower when she’s at rest.) She was so active through the whole test that the doctor couldn’t really interpret the results the way he needed to but when I said she moved the whole time I was on the monitor (especially when Josh put his ice cold hand on there and talked to her) he said that explained the results and that a moving baby is a happy baby.
He also found that I continue to progress in terms of dilation, effacement, station etc. and that most women have to labor for many hours to get to where I’m at already. So encouraging! And he thinks I will do well once labor begins, which is so nice to hear.
But after all of these niceties are spoken we get the classic “if you were my sister, or anyone in my family I would have had you deliver that baby already…” and “you two need to decide how far you’re comfortable going past your due date and you need to accept responsibility for the outcome” and “the further past the due date you go the higher the chance of meconium being present (which if breathed in can cause lots of distress in her and could land her in the NICU) and the placenta starts to deteriorate which causes the baby some distress” and “once you go this far past your due date a lot of complications can arise that could lead to a caesarean which could have been avoided if you’d just done a general induction earlier.”
So. As you can see, we’re getting a lot of info that could frighten first timers. But it’s also peppered with lots of Coulds and Cans and Possibilities. It just gets scary when the responsibility is in your court and you feel like you’re going to get judged or make the “wrong” decision and cause harm to this little baby you haven’t met yet.
I’ve been doing anything and everything (short of drinking castor oil) to get this labor to kick in. Walking, yoga, acupuncture, massage and body work, certain foods and drinks etc. But nothing has sent me into labor which to me means she’s not done getting ready yet (typical female, right?) I got quite overwhelmed over the weekend and Josh and I decided to go “radio silent” for a bit so we could just spend some time together and talk through what was on the horizon. It was a lovely weekend and it was so nice for me to unload a lot of the things I’ve been batting around in my mind onto him. He was happy to share the load and has such a grounded perspective that it brought me back down to where I could function normally.
Here’s a picture of “The Salad” which is rumored to have magical labor inducing herbs in the dressing. I ate this for lunch on Saturday and had a few hours of great contractions from it but then they went away.
Caioti's famous labor inducing salad... what a crock.
So here’s what we need. We would love it if we could call on all of you to lift us up in prayer, which I have no doubt almost all of you are already doing, and ask the Lord to protect this delivery, to prepare us for however it comes to be, and that if possible we could go into labor in the next couple of days naturally. This pregnancy has been nothing but perfect since its beginning and it would be such a beautiful blessing to see that continue through the delivery. But we also know that if we get to the point that we need to induce, God is there as well, and that as long as this baby comes to us whole and healthy we will be forever and ever blessed.
On a more personal note I’d like to tell you that through all of this medical induction/fluid level checks/second opinions/scary stories conversations I have found that my excitement and my joy have been tampered with and replaced with a lot of fear about how to “hit the marks” my doctor is looking for. I no longer get my hopes up each night when we go to sleep because it was too difficult to have those hopes dashed when I woke up each morning without having gone into labor (not because she wasn’t born, but because I’m one day closer to my doctor pressuring me into inducing through scaring me.) It feels a bit like I’m eligible for a grand prize and I’m waiting around to see if I’m actually the winner. Versus the reality that I DID win the grand prize and it just hasn’t been delivered yet. I feel very much that my joy has been displaced because of everything that’s happened over the last couple of weeks with my doctors etc. Which has caused me to feel like I’m spiritually failing in that I must not be trusting that our Father God is in control and that He has this. It’s my flesh, literally and spiritually speaking, that’s causing my doubts and raising up fears. And a couple of you have sent me beautiful emails that have been so encouraging and spiritually re-aligning and I’m truly grateful for the peace which came with them.
So if you’d want to add some prayers for my joy and excitement to be restored I would be forever grateful. I know that when the time actually comes I will be elated to be in labor, eager to see her face and hold her in my arms, and overwhelmed by the love that God will show us as we become three. But until then I’m certain I’ll be keeping a tight reign on my emotions.
To end on a happy note, here is a picture of me a couple of days ago. Josh wanted me to take this look to the streets. Tyrone thinks I belong in a Dr. Seuss book. And Wallis is glad that at least my pants will catch the baby.
PS – sorry if you got a message that there was a post just before this one… I messed up and had to erase the post but the notice had already gone out. You’re not missing out on anything… it’s all here!